17 January 2018

broken pieces

struggling with increasing pain
feeling the weight of incompleteness
and mourning my lack of ability to do 
much of what I feel called to do
I poured out my heart
to the One Who already knows

opening my journal and picking up my pen, He replied

I need your broken pieces, don't apologize for them. 
I could have kept you whole but I Am rebuilding. 
Do not despise the days of waiting 
for My work to be completed

13 January 2018

Highway dream

from https://www.dreamstime.com
I was driving in the left lane of a large expressway (western style, driver in the left seat of car)
In the lane of oncoming traffic next to me there was a fire (not sure if it was a vehicle burning or something else)

The air was dark and smoke filled making it difficult to see anything.  I was driving fast and almost didn’t notice a fire truck or ambulance driving toward me in my lane. As I quickly attempted to move to the next lane another emergency vehicle pulled into that lane. I was able to swerve and avoid hitting them, still maintaining my speed.

As soon as I passed, everything exploded into flames that I could see in my rear view mirror as I continued moving forward.

During this time of turning, transition awaits
and I know we are to continue moving ahead.
What fires or trials we will avoid and those that wait ahead 
are as yet unknown.
But only to us.
Our Lord already knows and has already felt the flames.
May we look only to Him 
and pass through smoke free.

and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. 
They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; 
their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

01 January 2018

One Word 2018 - Wait

not a word I would have chosen
not me, the mistress of impatience
who wants the answers

to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
remain in readiness for a purpose

a word to unpack through 2018
as I seek health related answers
as I plan for transitions

as He reveals more
I will share

for now, this is
what He has given 
the cup of waiting

I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; 
and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

05 December 2017

my thorn

don’t call me courageous
that title belongs to those 
who make a choice
to move, or take action

brave? not me
there is nothing I have done
but breathe, or gasp
eyes briefly shut
till the worst of it passes 

dauntless? no
I have simply survived
another moment
another day

 so I wouldn’t get a big head, 
I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. 
Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. 
No danger then of walking around high and mighty! 
At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. 
Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

05 October 2017

no digging

I have been distant, yes
somewhere down deep
following the Light

words scattered into 
places hidden

but His voice reminds 
He has called me
as His pen

I must not dig for words
but embrace them
as they come
refreshment in this
the driest of seasons

14 July 2017

ministry morning

I was excited to once again be gathering with the women at the community widow’s centre, ready to worship with them and share words of encouragement.  We had not been there for quite some time, but they welcomed us warmly, remembering us.

I spoke about how big our God is, beyond our wildest imagination; His thoughts higher than ours, able to do all things. I wanted them to understand, I want myself to understand, how that same God, vast as He Is, has chosen to dwell in us. How can we not be humbled, brought low in wonder and praise?

My words were met with smiles, nods and “amens.” I was not expecting the words spoken after mine. One of the centre leaders explained to the women that this was a special day ordained by God, a day to open their hearts and share their struggles Why wait until they are alone at night to pour out tears on their pillows? We had come, and we would listen, we would care and we would pray.

One by one, the women came, trusting God to speak to us. One by one, with my heart broken, I held their trembling hands and listened, to them and to the Holy Spirit. Each one had a tale of frustration; with family, finances, health and more.  The kingdom of darkness is running wild, kicking hard, and creating disorder that was stealing the peace of all. We declared health, wholeness and victory. We asked in faith “Lord, glorify Your name.”

Our first home visit revealed the deeply embedded lack of proper medical care. We were greeted by a young mother, tightly holding a small girl child who looked no older than two. Her eyes would not focus and she didn’t respond to claps or whistles. She just passed her sixth birthday! Doctors at clinics and the hospital have examined her and have claimed that she is well, no problems. No exams are needed for us to recognise that this child is not well at all, indeed likely suffering with a variety of problems; not the least of these is her failure to develop normally. We prayed and suggested a consultation with a local ministry to the disabled. Perhaps working hand in hand the life of this little one and her mother will begin to thrive.

Just another Zambian morning, like so many others, filled with unanswered questions; but also drenched in an ever growing reliance on the only One Who answers all. Leaning hard on Him, is, I believe, the very best place to be.

10 July 2017

what my spirit hears

can you hear
the sound of a mother’s tears or
the wail of a young wife left homeless
her husband newly dedicated to the ground?

can you hear
the stretch and strain of nations 
as they attempt to birth themselves
raging against the darkness?

can you hear
the flap of wings not fully formed
desperately unable to fly
breathing thunder
in a silent roar?

have you listened?
can you hear?

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